To Pedi or NOT to Pedi…

elephant pedicure(Above is a picture of the last time I had my toenails done)

OK, so todays blog is all about the male pedicure.  Bottom line here – is it “cool” or uncool for a dude to get a pedicure.  As you might have guessed, I have many questions and thoughts.  So here we go…

I’m sure you are asking yourself, “Why the @(&#*%! is Joe writing about getting his toes done!?” Like don’t I have better things to write about.  Maybe the Cubs – some random political rant (plenty of ammo there) – Bike MS this weekend?  I’ll save those for later.  A couple friends recently suggested that getting a pedicure was a good thing, and even perhaps we should all go some time since I am a pedicure “virgin”.

Yes, there was some alcohol involved when this discussion happened, but I’m pretty sure they were serious.  My immediate reaction was to laugh, until I realized that they were in fact serious, so then I just politely smiled.  Was this some sort of weird club they were trying to get me in to?  Some friend hazing that I wasn’t aware of?  Were the women doing the pedicure topless maybe?   (Oh, don’t be offended now – you KNOW guys would get pedicures if that were the case!)  Would my wife be cool with me walking out the door saying “I’ll be back later honey, off for a pedicure!”

Wow – that was a lot to absorb for me.  I wasn’t exactly raised in a way that would translate to a pedicure being appropriate for a dude to get.  Not that my Mom was in chains or anything, or even EVER got a pedicure to my knowledge – it’s just that guys did “guy” things and women did “girl” things.  A pedicure definitely didn’t fall in the “guy” column.

But I’m an open-minded guy – always game to try something new.  And I’ll admit that I do enjoy a nice massage and could care less if it was a guy or a girl doing it – as long as they did good work.

I just have a hard time picturing myself sitting in a chair, with my feet in a bucket (or whatever they use), and then those toe spacer things, my nasty nails being clipped, filed, sanded, or whatever it is that they do.  I always picture the scene from Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carey is getting his toes done and they use a belt sander – sparks are flying, etc.  (Here is the clip – https://youtu.be/0IlqH-2n6eE)

So do I get to drink a beer while this all happens?  Scotch on the rocks?  Watch ESPN Sportscenter?  Is there something manly I can do while they work on my feet?   Please tell me I don’t have to read Vogue or something like that – or drink tea, or something like that.

And let’s be honest here – my feet aren’t exactly a work of art.  I have one toenail, that ever since it was ripped off in high school (dropped a 14lb weight on it), is pretty jacked up.  Not much anyone can do about that one.  So when I take my shoes/sandals off, what happens when they giggle?  Do I get a “My First Pedicure” certificate?  Maybe a picture with the person that drew the short straw and had to try to work a miracle with my feet?   And what do you tip them?  Same as a haircut (not that I recall what that is anyway).  Do you pay per pound of nail removed?

So, as you can see, I have many questions and concerns about this whole process.  I’m pretty sure I would need more than a couple mimosas before I headed to get this done.  I might need to watch like 24 hours of sports afterwards as well.

And stop calling me sexist or a homophobe or whatever bad words you are using.  I’m just being honest here.  Don’t try to tell me that a group of dudes going for a pedicure is considered “normal” now.  I don’t buy it.

I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts and experiences…

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