The New News

A couple years or so ago, I pretty much stopped watching the news. It’s really all the same crap, in my opinion, and 98% of it (not a scientific study there) is negative. Bypassing any of the partisan nonsense, which is also basically pointless, I do NOT believe that the news even remotely accurately reflects what is really going on out there.

Now, before you think I am completely insane, which is entirely possible, let me explain briefly.

Even if my 98% negative number isn’t entirely accurate, I’d still say it’s North of 80%. That said, do you really think that 80% of what happens in our world is negative!? I do not. Yeah, we don’t live in a fairytale land, I get that. But 80% of world events are just not negative. We would have imploded long ago, if that were the case.

So here is the new news format that I would like to suggest, and if I can get Zuckerberg to fund it, I’ll try to pull it off. Here is the schedule for a truly “fair and balanced” news format for the nightly news:

  • 10 minutes of the standard, typical, negative, these people were killed or maimed, this war is happening, this person slept with this person, this person lied under oath, blah blah blah.
  • 10 minutes of POSITIVE stuff – all the incredible volunteer work happening, somebody made a huge donation to this cause, progress in research for diseases, maybe a positive health or fitness tip – heck, I don’t care if we broadcast 10 minutes of freakin’ yoga! Or 10 minutes of cute puppies for that matter. 🙂
  • 5 minutes of sports
  • 5 minutes of weather


That’s it. Pretty simple. Balance the crap with the positive stuff, sprinkle into some sports and weather, done deal.

Who’s in?

Now, what to call this new news network…

  • The Positive New Network (PNN)
  • The Happy Channel
  • Negative People Suck (that might be too harsh)
  • The Smile Network
  • Your Happy News at Ten!


Not sure, I’ll think of something.


Oh wait, and this one is important, EVERY news broadcast would start with the words “HAPPY ________” – the blank being the day of the week (eg – Happy Friday, Happy Monday, etc). I borrowed that idea from my buddy Bill – he’ll love it. Maybe we can record a quick video clip of him to kick things off.

OK, now I’m heading down the crazy path…

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