I Want Nothing

OK – so this is going to sound pretty crazy, as we are in the heart of the holiday shopping season now, but for Christmas, here’s what I want:



I know that those of you that survived Bankruptcy Wednesday (my last blog) are very happy to hear this announcement.

And no, this is not the token “you don’t have to get me anything this year” (wink wink, as I leave the Apple Watch brochure out).

I literally want nothing. Zip. Nada. Zero. No Presents for You! (think Soup Nazi from Seinfield)

Honestly – it would bring great joy to my heart to get NOTHING for Christmas.


Now, I know the skeptics and cynics out there are thinking: “What exactly did Joe do that was so bad that he clearly does not feel worthy of a gift?”

Good try there – but not so fast.

My desire for nothing is not because I have violated many international laws and had to beg my way back into the country recently. Not at all related. (Oh shoot, did I actually type that out loud?)

But seriously, no, this is not a “Joe is on the naughty list” thing.

I think I’m just so burned out from the “Gotta buy Everything for Everyone – And do it NOW!” mantra that is beat into our heads pretty much all year long leading up to December, that a quiet, peaceful, gift-free, day would be the best gift ever.

My daughter accuses me of taking away her right to buy me something. (Thank you for that my entitled Generation whatever daughter) If you feel so compelled to spend something in my honor, then make a donation somewhere – I don’t even care where. Just trade that Rolex in that you were going to give me and donate it – pick a place. Stuff the cash in a Salvation Army bucket. Give it to a homeless person. Sponsor a child. Don’t care. Just don’t give it to me.

No, I’m not going to be sad if I don’t unwrap something this Christmas. I won’t write a sad country song about it. I’ll do my best not to blog about it.

Can’t we all just chill for one year? No gifts. No gift cards. No bad fruitcakes.


Just chill.

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

It would be like Thanksgiving, but colder.

Thanksgiving is about the three F’s – Family, Football, and Food (you pick the order).

Christmas is a basketball day in the US generally, so maybe it’s Hoops, Holiday Cheer, and … dang – I’m going to need to work on that one.

But I think you get the point – at least I hope so. The reason I think Thanksgiving is so great is because it’s just about eating, hanging out with family, and maybe watching a game – or not. Compared to Christmas, it’s way more relaxing. Yes, I know – lots of cooking and prep and cleanup – I get that. But compared to Christmas, it’s nothing.

(Notice I am skipping the religious implications here – that would be an entirely separate blog)


I’m off topic – which I tend to do – a LOT.  Back to no presents.

That’s the start – no presents for me this year. Maybe it’s like a hunger strike or something. Not sure.

What if all of the gifts we bought were donations instead. All the non-profits would be crazy happy about that. The IRS and retail industry? Not so much.

I can’t wait to hear about how crazy I am now – this should be fun…