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Heavy Sarcasm

“True” Age Test

In the interest of public service, and having nothing to do with making millions by my company going public at some point or being purchased by Warren Buffet, I have designed a method of measuring your “true” age (patent pending). I’m sure you know what your biological age is, but you know the old saying “you are ...

Car Rental Robbery

Operator:        “9-1-1, what is your emergency”Joe:                  “I was just raped by Hertz”Operator:        “Who is Hertz sir – male or female – are you safe now?”Joe:                  “Hertz, the rental car company”Operator:        Click…dial ...

Good Service – An Alternate Unviverse

On a recent evening, I had to run to our local “Commons” (foofy term for a collection of fancy strip malls) for a few things. I don’t generally spend a lot of time there, as primarily I despise shopping. But it needed to be done and as I say to many things, it wasn’t going to do itself. (Other examples: “Those ...

Artificial Intelligence – A New Application

So, one of my last blogs was about how we all suck at communication (yes, me too). If you think you are different or “special”, then you are wrong. If you missed that blog, it’s worth checking out – just click HERE. In the interest of trying to correct this crappy behavior, I just submitted my patent application ...

Physical Therapy

Maybe I’m a little bit slow to figure this one out, so I apologize if I am late to the party here and everyone else knows this but me. But I just had this realization: The ONLY reason that Physical Therapy exists is because people are lazy. There, I said it. Let the haters hate and the flaming emails start to ...

Kohl’s is Krazy

After a short 15-minute visit to Kohl’s last night, I am pretty sure I figured it out. What exactly did I figure out, you ask? Great question. I figured out how the Kohl’s department store is so successful. And here is the thesis for my upcoming Masters project: Kohl’s utilizes CIA-level confusion techniques to not ...

Guaranteed Weight Loss!

Here it is folks - Joe's guaranteed weight loss program. With these maybe not-so-easy, yet effective steps, I can promise you will lose weight. Ready? Here we go:   Step 1: Have surgeon (preferably, but if unavailable a Boy Scout enough badges will work) cut "small" (in very relative terms) incision in your neck, ...