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Standards

Here are some items in this world that I just do not understand why they cannot be standardized.  I’ll highlight them, and maybe rant just a bit (I’ll try to keep it to a minimum):

Gas Caps – Why the #$*&@#! isn’t the spot to fill your gas tank on the same side for at least your average sedan-type vehicle?  I get it for trucks or other specialty vehicles, but I truly don’t understand why some cars you fill on the left side and others you fill on the right.  It really can’t be that hard to standardize that, regardless of where your tank physically is.  Maybe the auto companies are colluding with the company that makes that little left or right arrow sticker or cutout on your dashboard.

Wipers – While we are talking about cars, again your average sedan, why do some cars your lift the lever up to turn the wipers on and some you pull the lever down.  WTF is wrong with you car designers?  Are you just trying to torture us?  I think we should lock all of the key decision makers in a room, for all of the sedan models, and nobody leaves until they come to a consensus on “up” or “down” for turning the wipers on.  And every 4 hours they don’t come to a consensus, we turn the temperature in the room up 10 degrees and start slowing draining the water in the water cooler.  If that’s too harsh, we could always just play Taylor Swift non-stop – that should move things along.

T-Shirts – OMG this one makes me crazy.  Even if you narrow it down to men’s t-shirts in the US to eliminate some of the other variables, sizes are all over the freakin’ place.  I don’t get it – how hard can it be for them to agree on what an XL t-shirt should fit like.  Is it really that hard – really!?  Is it some sort of coordinated mental attack by the t-shirt companies to make us all insane?  Or maybe a way to get us to buy lots of shirts.  Because sometimes an XL might fit, but you might need a 2XL depending on the manufacturer, it could even be a 3XL or a 2XLT.  So screw it, I’ll buy them all and then will be too lazy to return the ones that don’t fit.

Jeans – I’m not even sure where to start here, but I do remember the days when I could just go to the store, tell them my waist size, and walk out the door 5 minutes later – done deal.  Now when you go to the store to get jeans, you have to either a) have studied all of the types, styles, and colors for all brands for many hours, b) find the store person that I think has to write their Doctoral thesis in Jeanology, or c) rent a pickup and load it up with all the flavors you think might fit, take a day off of work and try them all on, then muster up the energy to return then, which will take hours and likely flag your credit card as fraud.

Women’s Clothes – Sorry – not touching this one with a ten-foot poll.  I’m not that stupid.  🙂

Airline Seats – I already know the answer to why seats are all different at each airline, and even by aircraft within that airline.  It’s easy really, and anyone that travels knows the answer – the airlines all hate us.  Unless, of course, you are Executive Platinum Premier 1K Super Duper Airline Stud.  If not, their goal is to make you as miserable as possible during your trip so you don’t spend that time thinking about how much you spent on your ticket or the fact that the fuel surplus fees are there still there even though fuel is half the price now, and then, or course, you buy more alcohol and maybe throw the flight attendant a few bones.  I suppose that it could also be a government conspiracy organized by the TSA – the theory is that if they “encourage” the airlines to make you super miserable, you will also forget about the horrible treatment you received by the monkeys in the security “screening” process.

And yes, you know all of this requires millions of dollars of government-funded research.  I am already filling out the app.

So what am I missing?  I’d love to hear your feedback, and equally outrageous conspiracy theories…



  • Karen King

    Spot on Joe. You should be writing a book on all the rational comments you have about topics such as these. Being a woman of size I can relate to all of these topics. I have spent more hours than I care to count agonizing over how clothing fits. Tears shed in the dressing room, clothing I took home then had to find the time to return or thrown in a closet only to find them much to late to return them then put them in a yard sale & sell a 15.00 item for a buck or two. Maddening. Gas doors, my car passenger side, his car drivers side ridiculous and all gas hoses are not the same length. Now down to one car it’s easy. Wipers don’t bother me. But airline seats…as I said…being a woman of size getting off the plane with the impression of the side handles of the seat on my hips is not fun. Can’t afford business or first class so I’m stuck literally in that seat.

    Guess you can tell I agree with all you have said, I must go rub the imprints off my hips now.

    • Ron Lilek

      I’m just a little guy but I also feel cramped in airplanes. However, there is one item that I’d like to see added to the list: shoes!!!!! I personally have shoes in size 8, 8.5, and 9. The 8’s have to be super wide, but it is impossible to buy shoes without trying on all three sizes in various widths. I HATE IT!!!

      • Ron Lilek

        I forgot to add, I will not by a car that has the gas cap on the passenger side.

        • Amen Brother Ron – stick it to “The Man”! 🙂

      • Funny, I had “shoes” in my notes, but decided not to included it. Good catch!

      • Karen King

        Ron, I so agree. 8.5, 9, 9.5, or 10 and don’t get me started on European sizing. GRRRRRR!

    • Glad you enjoyed Karen. I don’t fit well in any airline seat, so can appreciate that. I hope you are well!

      • Karen King

        Chuck says the jeans are what make everybody distinctive. Haha. I am doing fairly well. Up & down days you know. Hope you & your family are well.

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