The World Needs More Glitter

OK – so what’s the deal with those tiny little sparkly things (aka – “glitter”) that are predominantly, but not always, a holiday thing.  I’m not talking about the big sparkles – I mean those super tiny, almost microscopic, sparkles that end up on greeting cards, some holiday decorations, in the hair of girls in dance competitions, and I think I have seen it in makeup/lotion.

In my personal opinion, the companies that manufacturer those should be either a) immediately shut down and the sites treated like nuclear waste or b) ramp them up and use them as our new military weapon.

Seriously, can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if we loaded up some good ‘ole B-52s with a zillion pounds of that stuff and dropped that all over whoever our enemy is?  You can NOT hide from that stuff?  I don’t even think the super secret nuclear-proof presidential bunker is safe.  Hell, we probably could have found Bin Laden faster, or maybe even Saddam Hussein.  That stuff gets EVERYWHERE.  There would be whole attacking armies that would go from organized and effective to covered in glitter and running around in total chaos like they were being attacked by a swarm of killer bees.

The downside, of course, is that whatever planes we would use to deliver the glitter bombs would have to be disposable, and likely just ditched in the ocean.  But then it would somehow end up in the fish, and we would end up with glitter sushi.  Need to think that one through.

And what about the poor people that work in the glitter factories?  I can’t imagine they can EVER sell their cars?  What about their houses?  Is there a real estate disclosure for glitter, like there is for radon?  Do their kids get mocked at school?  Glitter Bullying?  Do they start their day with scrambled eggs, with an inadvertent touch of glitter?

OMG – what about the bathroom experience?  I’m not going down that road.

Again, either abolish this practice or leverage it as a weapon.  This middle ground is brutal.  There has to be a better way.

Call your representative now!  🙂

  • trisha siok

    I know what I’m going to wrap all your Christmas gifts with this week!!! 😜❤

    • aeroimages

      Well, then you’ll be covered in glitter as well!

  • Joe, I really don’t know how you come up with this stuff. But I am in total agreement with this one. Too funny. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

  • BJ

    I am dropping from my Christmas card list and gift giving/receiving list anyone who encloses glitter in their good wishes. You didn’t even mention them in contacts. 👁

  • Kathy

    Have you ever noticed how the glitter inevitably ends up on someone’s nose and it’s all you can look at when speaking to that person???? I tend to agree with your whole theory, except what fun would it be if you went through a Christmas with no glitter? It would be very dull, and frankly, if glitter is the biggest thing on your brain today, you NEED a glitter bomb thrown at you! Cheer up – tinsel is almost as bad!

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