To Pedi or NOT to Pedi…

elephant pedicure(Above is a picture of the last time I had my toenails done)

OK, so todays blog is all about the male pedicure.  Bottom line here – is it “cool” or uncool for a dude to get a pedicure.  As you might have guessed, I have many questions and thoughts.  So here we go…

I’m sure you are asking yourself, “Why the @(&#*%! is Joe writing about getting his toes done!?” Like don’t I have better things to write about.  Maybe the Cubs – some random political rant (plenty of ammo there) – Bike MS this weekend?  I’ll save those for later.  A couple friends recently suggested that getting a pedicure was a good thing, and even perhaps we should all go some time since I am a pedicure “virgin”.

Yes, there was some alcohol involved when this discussion happened, but I’m pretty sure they were serious.  My immediate reaction was to laugh, until I realized that they were in fact serious, so then I just politely smiled.  Was this some sort of weird club they were trying to get me in to?  Some friend hazing that I wasn’t aware of?  Were the women doing the pedicure topless maybe?   (Oh, don’t be offended now – you KNOW guys would get pedicures if that were the case!)  Would my wife be cool with me walking out the door saying “I’ll be back later honey, off for a pedicure!”

Wow – that was a lot to absorb for me.  I wasn’t exactly raised in a way that would translate to a pedicure being appropriate for a dude to get.  Not that my Mom was in chains or anything, or even EVER got a pedicure to my knowledge – it’s just that guys did “guy” things and women did “girl” things.  A pedicure definitely didn’t fall in the “guy” column.

But I’m an open-minded guy – always game to try something new.  And I’ll admit that I do enjoy a nice massage and could care less if it was a guy or a girl doing it – as long as they did good work.

I just have a hard time picturing myself sitting in a chair, with my feet in a bucket (or whatever they use), and then those toe spacer things, my nasty nails being clipped, filed, sanded, or whatever it is that they do.  I always picture the scene from Dumb and Dumber where Jim Carey is getting his toes done and they use a belt sander – sparks are flying, etc.  (Here is the clip – https://youtu.be/0IlqH-2n6eE)

So do I get to drink a beer while this all happens?  Scotch on the rocks?  Watch ESPN Sportscenter?  Is there something manly I can do while they work on my feet?   Please tell me I don’t have to read Vogue or something like that – or drink tea, or something like that.

And let’s be honest here – my feet aren’t exactly a work of art.  I have one toenail, that ever since it was ripped off in high school (dropped a 14lb weight on it), is pretty jacked up.  Not much anyone can do about that one.  So when I take my shoes/sandals off, what happens when they giggle?  Do I get a “My First Pedicure” certificate?  Maybe a picture with the person that drew the short straw and had to try to work a miracle with my feet?   And what do you tip them?  Same as a haircut (not that I recall what that is anyway).  Do you pay per pound of nail removed?

So, as you can see, I have many questions and concerns about this whole process.  I’m pretty sure I would need more than a couple mimosas before I headed to get this done.  I might need to watch like 24 hours of sports afterwards as well.

And stop calling me sexist or a homophobe or whatever bad words you are using.  I’m just being honest here.  Don’t try to tell me that a group of dudes going for a pedicure is considered “normal” now.  I don’t buy it.

I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts and experiences…

  • Dane

    I would rather put my nuts in a vise.

  • Cynthia

    Pedicures are not just to make your feet pretty. Ask any podiatrist and they will explain it helps to
    remove your feet of dead skin and prevent ingrown nails. If you haven’t noticed most men’s feet are bear ass ugly. You can go to a podiatrist if you feel more manly and pay $300 plus or just go to a salon and pay $45. No one said you had to put nail polish on!!!!

  • Ronne

    I wish I could get Greg to go. He wasn’t very cooperative when his hip was bad and I had to help him! I even tried one of those “sander things” they advertise on TV! Lol

  • Amy Peterson

    Have it done. I’ve seen your feet. No polish. They’ll at least be presentable in sandals. 😜

  • Tiffany

    I think you and Pete should both go this weekend together… After some honey jack. Ask them for the firecracker special.

  • Patrick Hayes

    Go for it. I used to get them from a salon in the Insurence Exchange building downtown town when I worked on South LaSalle Street. The older I get, the harder it is to hunch over and do all the debriefing of skin etc. and filing. Feet soak for a couple minutes to soften the tissue, and you hardly feel a thing.

    There’s no shame it it.

  • Patrick Hayes

    “There’s no shame in it”
    Plus having it done downtown meant my chances of being seen by someone I know were greatly reduced. Heh heh.

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