Bitch Bitch Bitch
Maybe it’s been a rough couple of weeks, maybe I’m tired and cranky, or maybe I have just run into too many stupid people lately. Regardless of the reason, I feel the need to complain about things. But I’ll bet a dollar that at least one of these resonates with you. Admit it! 🙂
So here we go…
- Slow left lane drivers – my wife is really tired of hearing me complain about this one, but if you are blazing the trails at 2 mph faster than the speed limit, get the F**K out of the left lane! I really don’t care how fast you drive – honestly I don’t. But it is common knowledge for anyone with half of a clue about driving that the left lane is for people that prefer (legalities aside) to drive fast. It’s not your responsibility or right to “lead by example” or whatever you feel entitles you to poke about in the left lane. You are actually a safety hazard by doing that so MOVE for Christ’s sake (and mine)
- TMI Commercials – Any commercial that talks about incontinence, lubrication during sex, ED, sexual arousal, your period, anal leakage, or anything of the sort is just Too Much Information in my opinion. I realize this stuff happens – it’s reality. No question there. But that doesn’t mean I want to see it broadcast on TV every 10 minutes. There are a lot of things that happen in the real world that I don’t want to watch. If your commercial involves the phrase “Do you pee a little when you laugh?” – it’s too much info. (Did you know they sell a “sizing kit” for that product?!) Go see your doctor – don’t broadcast it.
- Lane Hogs – This one should be pretty easy, but apparently it’s not as I see it in my subdivision all the time (my wife included). If there is clearly room for two cars at the stop sign and you are turning left, just stay to the left side. Don’t drive down the middle – or God forbid, aim right only to turn left. It’s not that hard folks – it’s called sharing. You turn left – I turn right – we turn together. YAY!
- Overhead Hogs – for my fellow travelers, you have to appreciate this one. This is a much bigger deal in the colder seasons with coats, etc but it really happens all year long. The simple rule is this, and we’ve all heard flight attendants repeat this at least 100 times – do NOT put small bags and coats in the overhead compartments – those are for larger bags, roll aboards, etc. Everyone (front row and bulkheads excused) has space under the seat in front of you to stash smaller stuff. USE IT! There is a reason that the flight attendants have to repeat this instruction multiple times per flight – that reason is that too many stupid people are allowed to fly. My favorite one is the idiot in the window seat that decides it’s time to surf porn on his laptop, yet has to get to the overhead to get it so inconveniences the entire row so that his precious legs/feet had plenty of room in front of him. Yes, that has happened to me. I have really long legs and I ALWAYS stash my large backpack in front of me and still find places to stretch out. If I can do it, so should they.
- Speakerphone Idiots – For all my work from home friends, you’ve likely experienced this countless times. It’s the idiot that doesn’t know how to work their mute button – either on their mobile phone or home land line. They ALL have mute buttons and if for some reason yours doesn’t, pony up $50 and go buy a phone from this century. I’ve been on way too many conference calls where people are typing in the background, dogs are barking, kids are crying, papers are shuffling, or the worst in my opinion are the people on land lines that take cell phone calls in the background without muting the conference call. Either pick one or at least have the common decency to use the mute button. Bottom line here people is a simple rule: if you aren’t speaking, you should be on mute – period. Not hard.
Well that’s my bitch session for the day. I hope it wasn’t too painful for you. And I’m guessing that at least one resonated with you. If not, you need to get out more. 🙂